Carl J. Cox 6:32

I hope that’s helpful. It is. And once again, I think it’s once again is counterintuitive, because there’s often this part of I need to say yes to everything. And that is my success. And there’s often even some of the authors behind me, they would say, you just got to tackle every single opportunity that you can get and say yes, yes. But you mentioned something really important is that we all only have 24 hours in the day. And and with that, you know, we have to sleep and we you know, we have to provide bringing all these different parts. And you know, you have family, I have family as well. And there are constraints, right? If you want them to function healthy. And and so having the ability to say no is absolutely huge. So when when you you’re mentioning to this, and you’re saying to people, you know, it’s okay, it is okay, it’s okay to say no. What is the biggest challenge that people on the other side that you’re telling this for the first time, what happens to them, when they actually finally do have the courage to to set a boundary

Terry Sidford 7:36

their life expands, they feel free, there’s a lot of freedom, you feel more in control of your destiny, your time. And you’re also aligned more with the things that are important to you. So then you have more energy, you get more excited, you have more passionate, more joy. So that you know, when you are stepping on your own values or letting other people step on those things, or things that are important to you, you start to kind of concave, you know, you kind of retract and you feel heavy and you don’t have as much energy. So it’s on the other side of saying no, you expand and you start to feel more joy, you feel more on purpose. And it’s actually a little easier. Once you start getting used to it. Things start to flow.

Carl J. Cox 8:24

So you shared in when you’re speaking with associates to shoot, you’re planning a really interesting story when you’re a young child about how to make a tough decision, right? Believe is your sister is correct. And you want to share with the audience just kind of a short story of how bad things were in how you had an ache this young agent pretty scary decision. Tell me a little bit about that and share with the audience kind of a few minutes about what that was and how that really changed the course of your life in the future. Yes, thank

Terry Sidford 9:01

you, Carl. Yeah, that was a very life changing moment for me. I was seven years old, and seven or eight. And my mother was an alcoholic. And my parents were divorced. We were still living with my mother. I had my brother and sister and I never talked about my brother. But that’s another story. But he was there. And one night, things became dangerous and I had an older sister and we both decided that night that we had to leave for our own safety and well being. And little did I know we walked away in the middle of the night and and to my father’s house we back then we didn’t have cell phones and just made a phone call and said we’re walking so confined us and I live with my father ever since. But what I found later on was that there’s something internal that I had to survive and I think we need to pay attention to that. That you’re either succumbing to going a different direction other than survival. And you become a victim of life circumstances, or you can really dig deep. And you can choose survival. And that’s where courage comes in. And I felt like that was kind of the first moment that I chose courage and survival. I didn’t see that till years later, obviously, but I share this story as an example of you choosing one thing or the other in life. And, and we need to look back and acknowledge those moments to not just like, Oh, I survived, no big deal. I mean, I chose just the by default.

Carl J. Cox 10:41

Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s interesting. And my, I appreciate you sharing that, because that that obviously is a, you know, very personal story, but how you became a young age, but that kind of set a whole set of things of being willing to do some pretty once again, courageous decisions, right, to be able to move through and get through to a place where you’re safer and more successful. I had a family that we had a fair share of keeping things simple substance abuse. And, you know, you, you have to make it, it’s a tough decision when you’re there, do you be a part of it? Or do you not, and it for me, I was very fortunate that and I got advice from my oldest brother who said, you know, stay away from it. And from that, it’s funny that decision, I remember making it 12 years old, I still held till has held to, and, and it’s interesting how the freedom that has provided me by not crossing a barrier, so to speak, right, you know, where we’re all set, I could have got myself in a lot of trouble down the road. And, and so it is interesting, these these impacts in our early part of our childhood, which can have a significant impact to where we are today. And, and being able to lead and help others right out. Because if we got caught in some of the things that that perhaps, people I knew back then when I made my course of life could have been completely different. As a result of that.

Terry Sidford 12:09

Oh, Carl, thank you so, so much for sharing that with me. I didn’t know that. And it’s really true. I could have gone down a different path as well. And it’s an interesting story to share together, because we do have a choice. But sometimes, you know, and it wasn’t easy. I’m not saying that, Oh, is this smooth sailing? You know, I, I had to learn and see that I was strong, and that I could keep being courageous. And what does that mean? Or strong whatever that is. But yeah, thanks for sharing that.

Carl J. Cox 12:39

Yeah, yeah, no, you’re welcome. And so there’s a I don’t don’t want to belabor Billy Blair on that, but but it’s, it’s interesting of how, you know, we have these parts and how we could do and then that continues through our adult life course, right? You know, there’s things that we say, Oh, it’s okay. It’s legal, right? Or it’s okay to do this. And it’s like. So what that is that really making me a better person and to help the lead and help each other out? And so I think these are the things but but let’s, let’s move on. I’m curious, one of the questions that I’m curious with you because you you’ve done something that I hope to do someday, which is be a TEDx speaker. And you’ve also written a couple books, which which unprocessed we’re writing my first one, I’m curious, what was more difficult to prepare for the TEDx speaker? presentation, you’re or reading a book.

Terry Sidford 13:30

No one’s asked me that before. I, okay. I always go for my gut instincts on this, I would say that the TEDx talk was, was more daunting. And there, here’s the reason why someone challenged me to to to apply for a TEDx talk, and I thought, Oh, this is gonna take me a good year, they have to find the right venue, they have a certain subject that they want you to make sure that you’re speaking about all the speakers are. And I don’t know how I’m going to find something that aligns to that I’ve never been speaking before, you know, in a big stage. And sure enough, first place I applied, responded. And they wanted, you know, I was in I the first time that I applied and four months later, I had four months to prepare my speech, and to be and be onstage speaking to a worldwide audience. It was daunting, it pushed every everything, every question I had, every vulnerability I had, it probably was the most liberating experience of my life, because I got through it. But I had to prepare very quickly. So that’s my

Carl J. Cox 14:38

great answer. And once again, I appreciate you sharing that it’s, I think, one of the most challenging things once again, observing the the, the 18 minute restriction, right, I think it’s 18 minutes, right? You basically don’t have anything more than that. And and what you find is you really have to cut out a lot of clutter. And you have to be so succinct with what you’re talking About and really focusing on what’s going to really drive and the other thing they found a research I believe is why they had that length is because people can pay attention for about 18 minutes. Now forget about the eight second rule and have to look at different things all the time but but from a presentation standpoint, they’re more likely to stay with it. So really helps but, but there’s so many things that we think that are important from our own selves. But the audience side, I was just listening to somebody. Yesterday, a very well known author, they did research and this was kind of scary. If I heard this research correctly, they basically were saying that most people only read the first chapter. And that’s it. I didn’t know Yeah, this guy crazy actually, like, like, basically your first and second chapter. So this person challenged me, the different person they said, Scott said, he said, Hey, Carl, what if you just wrote a one chapter book? Has like, Whoa, you know that that sounds like a TEDx. But yeah, presentation. So anyways, it was just kind of interesting to hear your thoughts on that. And thanks for sharing. What was what was some of the What surprised you with some of the results? from speaking that TEDx? What How did that change your career and doing you’re doing in doing presentations?

Terry Sidford  16:14

Carl, wow.

It’s it’s hard to even put into words what that did for me. First of all, I realized that I love to speak, the excitement that I had, seeing the response in people’s faces from what I was talking about, and having people come up to me afterwards and tell me how, how they related what I was saying, and one lady was crying, you know, there’s nothing, nothing more rewarding than to know what you’re speaking about changes people’s lives. And that’s what I experienced in my TEDx talk. And I shared stories that I used to hide my entire life. And instead, for the very first time, I stood up on stage, and I told every story, and changed it from a story of shame, to a story of courage. And it was such a relief, to just I felt like I was see through I felt like for the first time, you know, they could see all of me that so it really gave me confidence in myself in my subject of what I’m talking about, and that I loved speaking.

Carl J. Cox 17:16

That’s awesome. That is as very awesome. So you do speaking you do the kind of larger presentations? And then you do when you’re working, let’s say with a smaller group, and let’s say you make perhaps working with the company in the organization. What are the things that you’re challenging, let’s say in a group setting, let’s say that they’ve called you in for a reason, right? They’re either they want more motivation, or they want more courage. When you’re in those group settings. How do you get people to open up right? Because that’s a big part of what you do. Right is to why you really share a lot, right? And your presentation and in very personal stories that you said were you felt were shameful in the past. And now you’re saying it’s a part of courage? How do you get people who are in the smaller groups to be comfortable, right to start talking about their lives a little bit. And to help them overcome these these things, I’ve been holding them back right from doing great things going forward.

Terry Sidford 18:15

I usually start by sharing my own vulnerability, it’s, you know, that’s a leader, you, you show by example. And just kind of showing up in that environment. And of course, everyone is at a different level of, of wanting to share or being able to share. So I will include maybe sharing their thoughts or stories in a writing exercise. And hopefully, I can tell them what the benefit is, you know, like getting up on my TEDx stage and saying, you know, for very first time, I told my story, look, what it impacted me, it impacted all these other people, people didn’t feel alone. And you know, so I look, I tell them what the benefit would be as well, to be a little bit more vulnerable to start showing up. And it kind of as a kind of, starts to build on itself and one person who might there and then it just gets easier and easier. And if not, they’re perfectly make sure that they’re safe to just, you know, write it out, and even that process of writing it out and make a huge impact.

Carl J. Cox 19:19

That’s good insights there. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Alright, so in your in your business, if you may, you know, presenting. Maybe I’ll just put it back when you when you’re doing a presentation or perhaps doing presentations. How do you measuring success in that a

Terry Sidford  19:43

lot of times by the feedback, if I feel like I’m getting some good feedback, and that that has impacted, they’ve listened, they’ve took one takeaway, even one thing that made a difference than I feel like that’s a success. If I feel like I am prepared, I’ve done my homework. And I showed up late. And I know that I did my best that that’s another sign of success. Even if even if the impact wasn’t as great as I wanted it to be, if I know that I really did my best. And I’m the only one that would know that. And I feel that’s a measure of success. But of course, I want someone to have something that they took away from anything that I said that day.

Carl J. Cox 20:28

And one of the things, I appreciate you talking about that? What’s interesting about the metrics that we got to be careful with how we’re measuring things, right, and here I am on this whole podcast is measuring success. And it’s broadly in that terms, because there are metrics, and sometimes there’s qualitative, right successes. But there’s also the concept of what’s called vanity metrics. And vanity metrics can be, well, how many people are going in my website? Or how many people are liking me on Facebook? Or whatever that might be? Right? Well, if that doesn’t actually create real change, it doesn’t matter. Right? The goal, what we’re hoping within today, is it plants a real seed. So if the ends up being one person, that audience and then they end up becoming, you know, sought here curing cancer, or having, you know, reconciliation with their family, or leading a company organization, as a result of that presentation, even just one out of 10,000 people are listening? Can’t we say that still a value? Right, you know, on these qualitative type things. And so I think it’s, it’s interesting, I appreciate because what I like what you said is the things that you can control, which is preparing and showing up, those are the things you can control, those are the leading indicators that you’re trying to do to make sure you provide a great presentation. And then and then we hope, right, is that it the people are listening on the other side, right? That that somebody on his side one, if not many, ideally, all right, that that never happens, that every single person can be the lives can be changed, but that we can impact the most amount of people in that presentation. So thank you for sharing that. I think that’s, that’s really important. So now we’re going to flip over, you know, it was interesting with you, as a lot of the stuff is business and personal right are very intertwined. But, you know, it’s not easy, right? To go and speak and be in front of people and and to travel around and being away from your family. So how what do you do on a personal level? To help keep up your energy?

Terry Sidford  22:30

Oh, good question, I have a routine that I try to stick to kind of like the basic routine that I know, is a foundation for me. And that is, you know, getting up at a certain time getting enough sleep, first of all, eating well exercising, and then meditating or not, you know, even reading a book in the morning, something that just quiets my mind, I get into present time, and I’m more connected, and that helps my energy greatly all of those things. And then I look and see where I might be out of balance. I know what balance looks like for me, if I have a will I know that where there’s certain pieces of my of my life that I need to have intact Have I not spend enough time with my family? Have I not exercise, different things you look at and think you know, I I need to put more attention in that area. So I’m I’m the maybe this week I have not been meditating or reading a book, or whatever it is you do to quiet your mind and feel connected kind of more to your source for your spirit, which is important for me, then I’ll put more time in that direction. That’s it’s a daily thing, just kind of a quick review. And I think when you set your day off that way, then you have more success and making better decisions throughout the day.

Carl J. Cox 23:53

Great. So how I’m curious from from the length of time not that as important, but just just to help our audience members. What is a typical day of you kind of preparing yourself to get ready for everything else? Is it is it a five minute is a 10 minutes, hour and a half? What is what does it typically range in time for you and your commitment you’re making to help make sure you’re ready to go each day? 

Terry Sidford  24:14

It’s about an hour, I’d say minimum minimum hour. And that’s just waking up looking at my you know, to do list, where am I what’s happening this week today tomorrow? And you know, it’s quite time I’d say about an hour but there’s times I don’t have an hour I look at what’s what would be the most important thing to make sure I understand you know my list of things to do and my task or is it just being quiet for 10 minutes. And I usually kind of just check in with myself and say what would be the most impactful for me today to do to start my day off right?

Carl J. Cox 24:50

Well, that that is a gift that you have of the of the or or I should say skill that you’ve developed on the meditation side of being able to stay I have about an hour or two an hour and a half process depending on how long I get ready each, you know, in time I have available. And like if I have a flight early in the morning, you know, some of these things just get shot. And so how do you how do you change from that, but that that is what it is. But the being able to have that focus to just shut your mind down, right and in trying not to let all the thoughts to try to relax, I think that is a an awesome skill that you helped develop, to help relax you. But as you said, that’s just one of many things that you’re doing right along the along the day to help get you get you motivated. Awesome, that is it and you do other stuff. So how often? Do you try to like exercise? weekly? Do you have like a? You mentioned you do tennis and you run and you ski? You try to do it two or three days a week? Or do you try to do what is your Tai Chi typical schedule from that perspective,

Terry Sidford 25:55

not for four days a week, but try to do three, you know, minimum three. And again, you know, if you don’t have time, and I work with a lot of clients on this work life balance, it’s do it for if you want to make sure you’re starting to read more books, and you don’t have time and read one page, and you’re reviewing it. If you don’t have time to exercise, you have to do 100 do 100 Okay, 50 sit ups, you know, whatever it is. And in then you feel like, Oh, I least did something and that direction. But I’d say minimum like, you know,

Carl J. Cox 26:30

just your 10 minutes. Anything. Yeah, you can work that in. Yeah, I love I love that insight. It’s you know, I’m a big believer, you know, if you want to be a great leader, you have to be a great reader that Zig Ziglar quote, and, and I think that, you know, it’s interesting, if you just read 10 pages a day, just turn, you could read a 200 page book in roughly three weeks. And then even just took a week off, that’s 12 books a year that is basically, you know, most people only read a book or two a year. And then that Forget about it. They’re only reading the first chapter, which is how many people say they truly need and don’t read things. That’s a whole different part. Because I’m one of those people. I feel like when I open a book, I have to read it all. There’s only been like one or two that I’ve never not finished. And but you know that there’s the choices, but it’s I think that’s great, you know, starting small and then trying to get incrementally better, so that you can develop that habit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, 

Terry Sidford 27:28

I’m gonna do that, by the way, Carl, what’s, uh, I just committed to 10 pages a day, I can do that. 10 pages. 

Carl J. Cox 27:35

It’s amazing. Just 10 pages, you know. And it’s, it’s interesting, because I’m a big audio, book person. So that is how I do most of my consumption of books. But I will do the reading. And I my wife always makes fun of me. She says, I’m not actually, you know, reading, but good. Fortunately, the data has validated that you can still discern as much listening, as usual. But there’s sometimes also, often I’ll buy the book as well, because there are visuals, if that are in there that really helped me to learn it, you know, it helped develop a little bit more. Yeah, so I definitely do both. And then you end up and even that’s pretty easy. Even just a small commute, you can pick up that’s probably one of the toughest things about those who’ve been working from home. And if they had to commute and they they’ve lost that audiobook time. If they were doing that right from the driving back and forth. I used to have a longer commute night and it for a really short period of time I was missing it. Because it was like a 40 minute drive. 35 minute drive, and I was getting so many books that through that process back and forth. But anyways, passing podcasts like yours, you know. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That’s that’s ability to be able to squeeze in right squeeze in and learn a little bit get so. Alright, so my final questions I like to ask is what is either current book or one of your favorite books that you’d like to recommend to our audience?

Terry Sidford 28:54

As you know, there’s so many incredible books out there. It’s hard to choose. But Brene Brown is Yeah, she connects. I connect with her because of courage. And one book is daring. It’s Dare to Lead is her book. And that was one of the first books they read a great book. It’s a great foundation for being you know, brave and courageous and being a leader. That’s that’s my shout out to her. It’s a great book.

Carl J. Cox 29:20

Awesome bio with that, as noted, and in a few weeks, we’ll post that on LinkedIn and share with everybody your recommendation as well. I think that Bernie browns, incredible author in person. And that is a great book. So I think that’s an excellent recommendation. Terry, how can people learn more about you where they where can they find you?

Terry Sidford 29:40

They can find me on my website, terrysidford.com, t-e-r-r-y-s-i-d-f-o-r-d.com and any of the social media outlets. I’m there Terry Sidford and also I have a Facebook group called Choose Courage Movement. So please join our group. I have a lot of interviews and on that Encouraging reviews there. And also I’m posting a lot of different interviews on YouTube and different information. So that’s how you can find me. And thank you so much curl for having me today.

Carl J. Cox 30:11

Terry, it’s been a pleasure, I’m glad we were finally able to make the opportunity to have you come on board and it truly you have a wonderful story and and you have do inspire courage to other to others. And so I thank you for sharing that. And I love the tips that you provided. And so thank you so very much for that. So to all the audience, I really appreciate you who who have been a part of our Measure Success Podcast, and we’re wishing you the very best at measuring your success. Have a great day.

Outro 30:45

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