Aree Bly 8:32

Yeah, I think the some of the keys is, is really recognizing how transferable a lot of our skills are. So we get stuck in sort of that success. mindset, I’ve been successful at x, therefore, I should continue to do that to continue the success. But when you step back, and you become a little bit more aware of the components of what created that success, you know, how can you use that skill, or that strength to to build something new. And also, you know, taking another look at, you know, what really engages you. There’s times and I’ve run it, I ran into this myself, I’ve run into it in clients where you kind of get to the end of a road, and you realize, Okay, I’m ready to step away from this and let somebody else fill this role. You know, maybe it’s the technical developing the spreadsheets and you want to move on to, you know, more of the client management and I want to build those relationships, or maybe it’s stepping away from the client management to, you know, managing the business and, you know, it’s, it’s at different points in your career where you can kind of go Yeah, I don’t see that I want to do this for the next five or 10 years. There’s got to be something else. But sometimes that tunnel vision or the blinders are on that well. This is what I’ve been successful in so this is what I have to keep doing. And if I step away from that I’m going back to zero but we don’t realize that we’re not going back to zero, we’re just reshuffling the pieces a little bit and starting where we are to move forward in a different direction. Got it?

Carl J. Cox 10:17

And are you using you know, I can imagine right because your analytical team This is a little bit uncomfortable for them right talking about some of their there’s a lot of what’s funny is right, we’re all emotional, we might not show it, but we all have tons of emotions. And so so with that, how do you how do you get people to see are using assessments at all through with your clients to like, they can help you to like, help themselves to see themselves a little bit more maybe if you may, quantitatively or from a Cisco standpoint, or using anything like that.

Aree Bly  10:51

If they have done assessments at work, I know like different companies, some use strengthsfinder some use disk some use DSM is Myers Briggs, you know, there’s, there’s so many assessments out there, I love to look at what’s already been done, and kind of help to understand what that’s telling you about, you know, where you are, on occasion, occasionally, I will recommend that someone you know, jump in and do strengthsfinder, do some assessment to kind of get a little more information, especially if we’re not sure what some of those strengths are. But I also developed my own model, it’s not an assessment tool, but it’s more of a model that will help people visualize, you know, how all of these pieces fit together, like where do your values and your strengths, intersect with your skills, and what’s on the other side of that, and it’s basically just if you know, a two by two quadrant of, Okay, let’s get the facts down. And then you can kind of see where you are, you know, you can use it as a tool to zoom in and say, okay, for this specific challenge coming up, what are my skills that will help me here? Where are my gaps in my learning? What kind of situation Do I need to make sure I want to avoid because it’s very different than what are my values like to keep me place? So with that kind of tool, I find that I, myself am very comfortable with it. And most of the people that I work with, like to have something a little bit more concrete to be able to say, Okay, now I know what’s, what’s going on how this all fits together? Because it’s, it’s on paper and more comfortable with with how their brains work?

Carl J. Cox 12:30

Yeah, well, a visual representation is huge. And if you have you know, when you have those tools and and so I think it’s a good time to lead into the, you know, your TED talk, and the fourth Manifesto, tell our audience who hasn’t had the opportunity to listen to that, then I encourage people to listen to that TED talk. What What is,

what is the four F’s and maybe just start there, and then we could we could take?

Aree Bly  12:57

Yeah, so the four F’s they showed up as I was developing the model, and there are unique areas within the model of what I call the alignment landscape, which, and again, this kind of goes back to the way my my thinking goes, the analogy I use most when we’re talking about, you know, finding sustainable success, it’s it’s kind of you’re out in a landscape, I do a lot of hiking, I get outside a lot. And you have choices of how you want to how you want to get from point A to point B. And if you are equipped with rubber boots, and a paddle and a raft, you’re not going to want to hike up and over the mountain, you’re gonna want to take the river. If you’re equipped with you know, ropes, you can climb higher, if you just have really good walking shoes, you’re going to take the long path. So it’s it’s all about understanding, you know what you’ve got. So going back to the the F that are part of this model, the first one is what I call friction. And friction is really a indicator that you are not operating within your values. So if you are, if you like to be very thoughtful, and you like to spend time kind of planning things out, you’re in a very urgent situation, it’s going to be very hard for you to do your best thinking or if you are a collaborative individual, and you’re putting it head to head you’ve got to, you know, be very competitive, it’s going to be hard for you to operate well. So recognizing that those aren’t things that you can change very easily, because it’s innate, it’s your strength, your natural strengths, that’s your values that you’re working against. Then you have your fears. And fears really have a lot of energy within them. Because you can see the opportunity but you’re kind of hesitant, so it’s really identifying your gaps and doubts about where you’re going So you have a skill gap or a knowledge gap and that’s something that you can easily fill and then you’ve got a new tool at the other end you’ve got new skills or you’ve got new knowledge that you can then leverage in moving forward. The third F is flow there’s a lot of areas where you can learn about it basically flow is that being fully immersed in what you’re doing, you’re challenged just enough so you’re you’re you’re above your skill level not so much that it’s causing anxiety but enough that you are able to fully just focus and do more than you thought you could. So that one kind of you know, you’re learning something new or you’re using your skills to a new degree. And then the fourth f that I love to pull in is the fun because that really adds a lot of color to what you’re doing and there are a lot of benefits to fun because it strengthens your relationships the people that you’re working with day to day, it can help you be healthier, physically if you’re building in more fun into your your days so the fun just kind of helps you tie it all together. Yeah, those are the four apps that I kind of lean on most in within the model.

Carl J. Cox 16:20

So which of those four apps

do your clients have the hardest time with? Ah,

Aree Bly 16:28

it depends on the client I think fears are always hard because they they slow us down No, it’s nobody wants to get out of their comfort zone. But there is a lot of value you know once we realize that we can do some of this hard stuff. And it’s I think what people also struggle with is a little bit of separating fears and frictions because they’re both resistance but some of them like you cannot learn your way out of the friction if you’re naturally you know if one of your strengths is collaboration you can’t learn your way into being a you know much more competitive you know head to head person you can get through it once or twice but when you come up to that challenge again that friction is still going to be there they can get past it it’ll show up again you get past it’ll show up again the fears though you can learn your way because they’re you’re picking up new skills and you’re and you’re building something that that fear won’t show up in the same way again because you’ll be able to see what you’ve done and and you’ll have built the skills to fill that gap then you can learn something new

Carl J. Cox 17:46

really like that how you have something that is arguably the biggest gap right which is fear right? But it sounds like you are helping them to ultimately create strategies to help overcome them and then they could get to the next you know the next point you said from point A to point B but overcoming that so I think that’s great and that that is a huge part of anybody moving thing is just just being willing to ship it to move to send a you know to release something I just launched this marathon a journey where I might six months ago I started training for a marathon and I had it in it I’ve been honestly really scared to just send it it had been created for a while and it’s like and I was like why am I afraid to do this but you know sometimes you just have to move forward and you and you have to take these risk and and learn from it right and and learn from it and hopefully what the goal was your hope it adds value Hope it provides whatever you’re trying to do when you do this I’m hoping for encouragement for others but that it’s still amazing of how many times we won’t start we won’t ship it we won’t do it because of our own fears. Right We have and also you know getting over ourselves right is that it’s okay and people want to learn and see and get new things and be but we ourselves get so caught up by well it’s not perfect it’s not this it’s not that especially I got imagine the accurate actuarial theater accounting right we were like oh it has to be perfect you know has to be down to the penny right and and so we I think in some cases or even worse when it comes to that I’m sorry Oh whoo that was interesting. Okay, so let’s move on we’re gonna move on to so last before we move on how do you measure success in your business?

Aree Bly 19:39

So it’s shifted over the years I think now I really focus on what I can control and I measure success on those specific things so it’s not the number of you know views it’s not that you know, because I do a lot on on, you know, LinkedIn social media, but it’s am I showing up? am I choosing the path? That’s the right one for me? am I facing the fears? You know, it’s so I do look back at my weeks and look ahead when I’m planning the weekend like, Okay, what am I scared to do this weekend? Am I going to, you know, how am I going to get those things done? And am I you know, living true to kind of the way that I want to be building this business? And am I, you know, following my own advice, it’s kind of how I now challenge myself to find success in my business, because I found that, again, to go, go back to the analogy of kind of hiking, when you start to tie your success, at least I found to a specific destination. You’re limiting yourself to saying, Okay, well, when you get over one Ridge, you might see something that’s even better. Does that mean that you’ve failed? Because you didn’t go to that original destination? Yeah, no, it’s because you’ve, you are evolving and choosing the right path for what’s in front of you. So lets, you know I’m choosing the right path for the very short term, I do have a destination in mind, but I’m not tied to that so tightly that I won’t allow myself to shift if I need to.

Carl J. Cox 21:19

I think that’s a great analogy of that of that, you know, that you have a vision of your destination. But sometimes we end up isn’t exactly where your plan but it’s exactly where you should be. Yes. You know, and and there’s the historical context. And I know everybody, there’s a few people out there who question Christopher Columbus, but he wasn’t trying to find America. He was trying to find it in India, and, and the trading route, and he found a whole new world, right. And that created a whole opportunity, right for many people throughout the world, to have different experiences, which ultimately created the you know, us or maybe 100 years later, right? Because you got to go through that process. And once again, and you know, what, what an amazing thing that sometimes, quote unquote, a failure turns into a greater success. And I think that’s great. And I also like that you talked about of focus and things you control, I like to call those leading indicators, right? These are the things I can do, I can’t control the outcomes, I can’t control exactly how people respond to it. But I can control showing up, you know, I can respond to that. So I think that’s great, I think is a very good way to measure your own personal success or your business success. All right, so let’s go to the personal side of love you talked about over the weekend, you were you have three kids, you’re at a band event, there was homecoming for the kids, you’re hiking this weekend in Colorado, which is your home, you’re a busy person. So I’m curious from a just a you obviously have a lot going on your speaker you have your business, your coaching clients, you have a family that you’re you’re you’re trying to care for and get together you know, there you’ve mentioned one of your oldest daughters looking to go into colleges, you have to deal with that. So how do you personally keep yourself on top of your game with all that

Aree Bly 23:16

happening? Probably two main things one is I get outside as much as I can, walking the dog every morning when the sun is coming up just to set my day. And just you know, when I can eat lunch outside or when I can, you know get myself any fresh air I know that’s what my body needs. And I do try died not quite as regular as I should be. But I do try and meditate You know, every morning just to kind of recenter and, and, you know, get my thoughts to slow down, and then I can approach the day more realistically. Rather than coming with it extra long to do list. I’m like, Okay, let’s just be grateful for what I’ve gotten done and where I am and focus on one or two things

Carl J. Cox 24:09

first. Alright, so meditation is I think is like one of the hardest things you want to truly do true meditation. I’m terrible at it, honestly, personally so but, but I do other things that that helped helped me personally. So I’m curious for you, for you, when you are in your flow of meditation. How much time is that truly taking you each, you know, in a day.

Aree Bly 24:33

I honestly only meditate for about 15 to 20 minutes in the morning. Yeah. Ideally, I’d love to find a time, you know, right after lunch to kind of do it again. But realistically, it happens to sprint for 1520 minutes. And, and that’s usually enough for me to go through. It’s, you know, I have some gratitude that I do through there. It’s just recognizing You know what’s going on with me as well and then starting to just think about you know, one or two words or one or two things that’ll center my day for what I want to do.

Carl J. Cox 25:15

That’s great. That is great. It’s interesting on that and is there I’m curious and obviously it sounds like you’ve evolved your own personal practice behind this is there some something or something you recommend to others if they were thinking about starting meditation for the first time

Aree Bly 25:32

um there’s a there’s a couple different you’re right I did kind of evolve into my own thing and you can I honestly I’m forgetting the original books that got me kind of started in this path but I think that the one thing that I recommend people is is just breathe it’s not about clearing your mind it’s not about letting all the thoughts go that’s my my mind is too active to do that. But once you just start focusing on your breath or you know what you’re feeling what you’re hearing what you’re smelling you know it just kind of centers in so just focus on the one thing of breath and that’ll just slow you down enough to to feel like you’ve getting you’re getting some benefit just from that

Carl J. Cox 26:21

I think that as Pastor you mentioned very hard week with my father and then we immediately go to the Naval Academy to see my son there which he’s in a pretty intense program and where there’s support him and he’s playing the sprint football game and I remember like two or three times my wife turned around to me she would you just take a breath. Just relax and and that’s part of it is just to that song, you know, breathe, you know, it’s, I get what I see for the good welfare, everybody out there. Cuz it’s, I think that’s awesome. I think that’s really good advice and suggestions for that. So I’ll ask, how do you measure success in your personal life?

Aree Bly  27:02

Um, you know, now it’s, it’s not that different than what I do in my business life is, am I a showing up the way that I want to be showing up? Am I am I I’m a big helper, am I being there for others, and myself, the way that I want to be showing up so it’s really about, you know, kind of the day to day it’s not, you know, did my kid get to the college that I wanted her to go to her? Did you know, did everything for homework get in? No, it’s, am I showing up? Am I being the person that I want to be that I want everyone to

Carl J. Cox 27:42

have in their lives? Isn’t it hard to let go? It is hard to let go of your opinion doesn’t even matter of your parents, the sooner we learn to one of the best things that somebody taught me, because you’d mentioned your told us ones are in swimming as well. And it’s, it’s, I was I was, this is 10 years ago, and it was my oldest daughter wasn’t competitive volleyball. And they basically said, you know, this is not about you, meaning the parent, okay? And, and they said just do after every single competition. All you say is I love to watch you play. Right? And that’s it. And and we have to release ourselves from our personal success being honored children’s success, right? And we can get there. You know, what’s interesting is they end up being more successful. That’s the irony because the pressure we put on them, it can be stifling, but if we can help them realize Look, this isn’t about me, I just truly love you and I care for you. And I want to be there it’s amazing the outcomes that they can have so if anybody hears anything from this thing that what you just described right is is the things we can control and then let go the things we can Yeah, right. You know, and I love that you mentioned mentioning succession and personal life so books okay. I always like to ask people what is a book you’d recommend our audience

Aree Bly 29:20

Um, so one that comes to mind is called range by David Epstein. And it’s, it’s basically about how generalists can thrive in today’s world. So it’s, it’s kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum from from outliers and Malcolm Gladwell is like the 10,000 hours, it’s all about and it goes very well with kind of the whole alignment idea and you’re, you’re evolving through your career. It’s about how all of your disparate experiences and skills can be repurposed and how you’re building a, a very strong tool and very strong Background and foundation by having a broad basis of what you’ve been doing. And even though something seems very different, that range of what you’ve done can build an incredible future going forward for yourself. That’s awesome.

Carl J. Cox 30:16

I love that. I think that’s huge because I’m deaf. I appreciate hearing that because I’m more of a generalist than I am detailed, even though I have a few things that I know really well. I generally work along a lot of different areas. So thank you for that suggestion. I’m going to pick that up. Finally working? Where can people find learn more about you?

Aree Bly 30:37

So you can always find me on LinkedIn? Aree Bly. I think I’m the only one out there. My website is alignmentally.com, you can check that out. I have periodic blogs out there. And then of course, look for the TEDx talk. It’s called Where The F Is The Reset Button. I always enjoy seeing that, hearing that people have seen that and see what they take away from that. So that’s awesome. 

Carl J. Cox 31:03

Well, Aree, this has been a true pleasure to have you on. I know, for our guests and our audience who are listening to this, they’re going to get a lot out of it. So Aree, thank you so much for being on the show.

Aree Bly 31:13

Thank you so much. It’s my pleasure.

Carl J. Cox 31:15

And to the rest of our audience. Thank you for listening, and we’re wishing you the very best at measuring your success. Have a great day.

Outro 31:24

Thanks for listening to the Measure Success Podcast. We’ll see you again next time to learn from the best. Remember to subscribe now to get future episodes.